As noted in the POST about preparing for a retreat at home, I put this time months ahead in my schedule. As expected, there was a pull on my time, as I am in the middle of academic and professional activities! But everyone who knows about my mindfulness practices accepts them as a part of who I am. And this time I shared the week’s plan with a select few, inviting them to try something out themselves during the same time frame and if they wished, to share later about their experience.
The week before I did food shopping, and prepared a number of frozen dishes for easy serving during the retreat. I worked extra hours around a couple of deadlines so as to honour the time of others, as well as to not leave my work to pile up upon my return.
Saturday I cleaned the house, even though currently under a bit of construction, and arranged our modular furnitire to prioritize the window view, tucking away my desk on wheels and all related technology. I then went for a walk in the forest – not a mindful exercise but just to relax, with no land management agenda [although I noted a couple of trees poised to come down that will require our attention later.]
We began our routine to eat ‘clean’ which means healthy meals, no alcohol. As the sun sets earlier, we already eat by candlelight and tend to live with low light in evenings. We also don’t have tv but recently I got into a habit of using a tablet for entertainment to ‘blast away the day’ with distraction. Without that tether, my eyes can only focus on a book for about 15 minutes so I put it down. I note my body feels a bit stiff and sore so I get a roller and use it to stretch out the kinks. I’m in bed by 10pm.
Sunday.
During mornings I like to observe the light rise from nautical to civil twilight. Since I went to bed early this was easy to do, as well my mind was preoccupied with thoughts. In the half dark I sit in the rocking chair, tossing back and forth, agitated. I note my breathing is tight. As I practice mindfulness throughout the day, everyday, I find I am able to regulate easily enough so why was approaching a retreat week felt a bit like an assault on the body? I’m reminded of a somatic coaching course I did earlier this year and I noted that when there was particular focus on self-awareness through the body in such a focussed way that it was a bit jarring and exhausting until I got into the flow of it. I think my body remembers that the first day or two of a retreat is a bit of a psychic detox. So like all thoughts, I listened to them briefly, and I asked my body what is where is this feeling and to just be with it and letting emotions arise and not to spend time interpreting and to let them flow out of me and go about my day. For the rest of Sunday, as with the rest of the week, I spent time engaging with presence, through a combination of meditation, mindful eating, mindful walking, journalling, simple tasks, gentle exercise, and nature walking.
Things that I’m letting go before I begin the retreat this week.
In my journal I write about letting go of preoccupations and giving myself permission to attend to this retreat. My research work required for my master’s project can rest for now. I have the full support of My Love to ‘do nothing’ all week so household expectations are suspended. With gadgets off I allow myself piece of mind, to ignore work email traffic. Finally, I ask myself to be alert to my experiences [although I will slow down to a gentle pace, I am not on holiday] I invite a warm optimism for the week, to hold whatever arises within me, and to hopefully dissolve the background radiation of anxiety that has been present as of late.